Nikki Glaser Wants A Respectful Gangbang | Netflix Is A Joke


– Listen, I know what I like.

I like bondage.

I'm into like, getting tied up.

I'm into watching girls getting tied up.

I don't.

.

.

I'll sell it to you, ladies.

If you're not into it, you're about to be.

Guess what, bondage? Forced laziness.

You don't have to do anything(audience laughing) to him if you're tied up.

(audience laughing) I want to jerk you off butmy hands are tied.

(audience laughing)Let me out, let me out.

No, no, no, I'm just kidding, it's fine.

Just leave it.

(audience laughing) What are you doing?(audience laughing) There's a ball gag in yourmouth, no dick in your head.

It's just very comfortable.

(audience laughing) You make it look like a struggle.

You're like, oh no, ah.

(audience laughing) But, it's easy breezy man.

(audience laughing) They blindfold you, oh my God.

Oh no, I can't see you how am I gonna cum? Easily, thank you for the assist.

(audience laughing and clapping) It's so good.

(audience laughing) But bondage porn there's- it's always like in a cellarwith like dripping walls.

Or like a warehouse andshe's just like abandoned.

It's like, can't she be comfortable? I don't understand whythere always has to be a guy with a welders mask and apurpose, like with a stick.

Like, can't it be nicer? But it can't be, they'realways mean to her and I'm just like be nice!(audience laughing) Like she's invited all these dudes over.

You guys- one of you showed up late.

There's nowhere for your dick to go now and so I hate that guy, he'salways just like where do I go? Where do I go?(audience laughing) It's just like, go fill the BRITA, Tony.

Why were you late? Like-(audience laughing) Do something useful.

We're all going to be verydehydrated after this.

(audience laughing) But- (audience laughing) No.

(laughing) Then- Then Tony's just like hitting his dick on her shoulder.

As if that's doing anythingfor either of them.

And it's just like, lookinside yourself, Tony.

Why were you late? (audience laughing) God! (audience laughing) She's not like a bisonon the Great Plains.

You- You don't need to useevery single part of her- (audience laughing) -to honor her.

(audience laughing) Gangbangs? Like I love gangbangs, but I'm just looking forlike a respectful gangbang.

Like, why not, just anice, be nice to her.

A respectful gangbang? Thatwould just be a girl tied up- ummm and guys are doing lots ofthings to her down here.

And then up here, a guy'sjust brushing her hair and telling her she's strong.

(audience laughing) Respectful.

(audience laughing) It's all I want.

You know what's frustratingabout masturbating when you're a woman? It's that you can't reallyfuck yourself, you know? Like, you can do clit stuff or whatever, but truly having- being penetrated, it's hard to do to yourself.

Like this is- And it's hard to come from that if you're like doing a crossfit sequence as you're like getting tennis elbow.

I mean, it's a lot ofwork and I always give up.

I'm just like, this is too hard.

And that's why I get so jealous of guys because I'm like (sighs) jerking off is so easy for guys.

It's just this.

That's so, that's literally, that's what you do when think-when you say something is easy.

You're just like, oh well fuck it, bang it out and go to Chipotle man.

(audience laughing) Just get the reports donethen we'll go to the game.

Like that's how easy that is.

(audience laughing) Ugh, I'm jealous, 'cause I like a dick in me.

I'm sorry, I like getting stuffed.

(audience laughing) I do, it feels good and I'm not gonna apologize for it.

I just like, but the problemis, and people are like, "oh then why don't you just go have sex, Nikki? If you want to catch adick in, go out and get one.

" And it's like, I would and I used to when I drank, but if you're sober, youcan't just have casual sex.

I don't know if anyone herehas had casual sex sober, but like, how did you do that?(audience laughing) Having casual sex sober, it's really, it's a lot more intimate.

It's- ummm- it turns into an episode of Dawson's Creek for some reason.

A Counting Crows song starts playing.

I'm just like, what's happening? (singing) 'Around here' It's just like, where is that coming from? (audience laughing) This has meaning when it shouldn't.

(lighthearted electronic music).

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