Femme Lesbian Struggles


No, you're too pretty to be gay Ugh, what a waste So, what did a guy do to make you this way? I don't get it, you're so pretty, you could easily find a guy! Huh? You don't look gay No, you're just bi Oh yeah? Prove it If you didn't want to talk to me, you could've just said so.

Oh my gosh, you are so pretty.

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for a lesbian Yes, we have all heard them, and there are millions more out there Those are just some of the common things That femme lesbians hear every single freaking day.

So yes, by now, judging off of the intro and the title of this video I'm sure you know that we are talking about being a femme lesbian.

Now just a little disclaimer before we jump into everything I am by no means saying that being a femme lesbian Is any more challenging then being another type of lesbian Or another type of gay Oops! there goes my bottle Or another type of gay or LGBTQ+ anything I just personally relate to this, and I know- I get asked- Did that just fall again? I just personally relate to being a femme lesbian because I identify as one And so many of you asked me questions on how I deal with these common Nuisances, and even more extreme issues every day.

Also, yes, I realize I look naked.

I didn't realize until I got dressed And I don't feel like changing, so.

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You know, click bait! I look naked and this says lesbian in the title! Let's start this off with a quick little story time.

This is a story that has left A very lasting impression on me It is the most hurtful time I've ever been discriminated against For being gay, and it was by a very unlikely person So, I was in Dallas with my ex girlfriend And it was Halloween time In Dallas, they do a big, like, gay parade festival around Halloween And it's really fun, and awesome, and great.

So while at said festival, my girlfriend and I needed to use the restroom And we were in a bar, so we went, the line was extremely long and there was just one little stall.

We were just chatting with people in line Having a good time And eventually realized that The toilet paper ran out So my girlfriend took one for the team Went down to the bar and got a stack of like, bar napkins Came back out, handed it to the girl who was in the restroom And divvied it up between everyone and we continued our conversation.

Everyone was nice and sweet, and it was going really well.

Then, the individual behind us Was.

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for a lack of a better term and just to set the image I don't wanna identify for her but I'm going to just assume for the story She would label herself as a butch lesbian.

She had been in the line the whole time She saw how nice we were all being to one another It was a great vibe, and she ruined it.

As we're talking to her, and she asked if we're together And we exitedly are like "Yeah we are!" Thinking that she'd be like "Yes, power to it!" Because unfortunately a lot of times when I go to gay bars I'm assumed that I'm just like a gay guy's.

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best friend That's there for fun It's very annoying, and yet another issue being a femme lesbian But that's for later on After we let this individual know that Yes, we are together She looks at us.

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both up and down Laughs in a very sarcastic, rude, "Hah!" kinda way And goes, "No.

" "You'll both be straight or bi within a year.

" I was like.

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Huh?? What?? For me, I was out, completely out Comfortable with who I was My ex had just recently fully came out So, yeah, not the nicest thing to hear when you've just finally Embraced who you are and we.

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used the restroom and immediately went to leave Had problems finding an Uber, Walked pretty far and just, were like.

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fuming And.

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at least at the time we were both very calm individuals We didn't go off on her, today I would have Back then.

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nope.

Didn't I think.

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I don't even remember what we ended up responding to her Because I was just so.

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taken back by it But it was not a good feeling, we went home and just were like "this is ridiculous" And I think that it's a big problem, and not just for femme lesbians But for a lot of different minority groups within our LGBT+ community That we bring each other down There's already not a lot of us out there Why on Earth After you've been discriminated against in your life Would you then want to put that on me I don't get it, I never will I will never comprehend why anyone within a group, and a community Is valued as lesser Because I like to do my hair and wear dresses Actually, I'm going to take this opportunity to show you guys something really cool This is not related to being a femme lesbian But it's very much so related to the discrimination within our LGBTQ+ community And it, oh it upsets me so much It just irks me But there's this incredible pin that I was sent The city of Philadelphia's office of LGBT affairs Has created this new inclusive campaign Which is the hashtag More Color More Pride Where we all know the iconic rainbow flag But they've now added the black and brown stripes To the top of the flag And it's to recognize the contributions that people of color Within our LGBTQ+ community do every single day And it's all about getting the conversation going about talking about The lack of inclusiveness within our community Which I'm sure you guys can tell that I'm very passionate about And it drives me insane It just doesn't make sense to me, why would we do that? Let's stand together, we're more powerful with more numbers behind us Let's lift each other up and support one another We can all relate in one way or another, even if that one way is that we've all been discriminated against At one point or another Hoo! Ok, my tangent is over, let's just stop the discrimination Now into some hopefully more lighthearted stuff This next one to me is definitely a con But to some people And I think who aren't femme lesbians see it as a pro And that is that we can fly under the radar and not have to come out However, on the other hand, we have to come out every single day When I meet a new person, they don't immediately think "Oh! maybe she's gay!" It's very often times just assumed that I'm straight So it can be hard and frustrating to constantly come out And on the other side of this as well When you like girls, they don't even assume that you're gay So.

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you always have to kinda make the first move And show them "Hey! Me! Gay!" Even when I do make it extremely clear I feel like, at least, people still seem to question it and be confused If I refer to someone as my girlfriend People generally think I'm talking about a friend Does anyone even really use that phrase anymore? It feels like such an old time phrase that I hear no one say But when I say it people think "Oh she must use that phrase, because there's NO WAY she's talking about an actual girlfriend" They're always like "Girl friend"? Or girlfriend girl friend? And I'm like yes! We have sex! And at a bar, if a man hits on me, and I politely tell them I'm sorry, I'm not interested because I'm gay They think I'm just trying to get rid of them Which I think is a whole 'nother issue To me, if I went up to a girl and I hit on her And she said "Oh, thank you so much, but I'm actually straight" I would never say "If you weren't into me, you could've just said so" Like, what? That's so silly And if you do genuinely think I'm lying about being gay to get rid of you Wouldn't you just take that as like a subtle rejection and just walk away? If I am straight, I would just have to be like "Yeah, you're right, I just think you're gross" Like, what? There's no good out come in that Just take the rejection gracefully, whether you believe it or not And then there's the little issue of everyone sexualizing your relationship I have had so many people say creepy comments in public if I'm with my girlfriend Talking about how beautiful of a couple we are And much more worse stuff then that, that I don't even wanna repeat But they would never say it to a heterosexual couple So why is it ok to be so invasive on mine because we're two women? It's creepy, please stop it Ok guys, I hope this video helped you out in some way Even just to let you know that you're not alone There are so many femme lesbians out there We feel the struggle every day We're experiencing it all with you And we just have to keep showing people that we're here And eventually, it will become more normalized And we won't have to explain ourselves quite so often So be that voice, be that trail blazer, make it easier for those coming after you And just, seriously, keep being you, that's all you can do I love you guys so much, there is going to be a live chat tommorow Over on my live meet, I will put that link in the description box below as well I haven't settled on an exact time, so feel free to comment below when you would like it to be Just make sure you say your time zone, or do it in LA Pacific time zone so I know what you're talking about And I will also be at VidCon next week, but only for a day so I won't be doing a meet and greet But if you're there and you see me, please come say hello I might try to save some time Friday before I have to leave to come back to LA To just let you guys know where I am and do an impromptu one So make sure you're following me on Twitter, I'll probably announce it on there I will then be flying to New York for pride and I am so exited to see you guys I am absolutely going to organize a meet and greet there for sure, so stay tuned for the information on that And I hope to meet so many of you lovely little angels Have a great weekend, I will see you next week, and hopefully in person Bye guys Ok guys, real talk, this video is getting to be entirely too long There's an entire Q and A portion of it But I'm gonna split it up into two videos to make it easier If you are interested in seeing a video on Q and A about being a femme lesbian, let's get this one to 2k likes And I'll post it tomorrow morning I believe in you, you can do it!.

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