I Want My Sex Back. Detransitioned transgender people who regretted changing sex


[Music] so the Lord God and caused the man to fall into a deep sleep and while he was sleeping he took one of the man's ribs and then closed up the place with flesh I was born a male I started living as a female when I was 19

years old had a sex change when I was 30 years old I've now been living as a woman for 28 years and I fully regret this nobody can change genders it's impossible it's delusional it's a mental illness then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he

had taken out of the man and he brought her to the man once I finally had the surgery I went out this was the wrong thing to do it was the wrong thing to do to cut off my male anatomy the man said this is now bone of

my bones and flesh of my flesh she shall be called woman for she was taken out of man that is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife and they become one flesh the fact of the matter is the 40% of people

who are attempting suicide are people who regret ever changing genders [Music] I cut my lawn for right there around 4 o'clock and to get up but usually I wake up beforehand it's as though God just wakes me up I read the Bible and then I pray and then

I try to be still and listen for his voice his guidance hi my name is Billy Burley and living here in Lompoc in this house and I used to work for NASA y'all come on in and let me show you all around the house a little bit so

the weather over here in Lompoc is exceptional we don't have air-conditioned over here and so we keep the doors and windows open for a good bit throughout the year I was a skinny little introverted kid had a speech impediment and tried to talk but a lot of people

didn't understand me my body told me that I belong with the boys but my thoughts my mind was saying and that I belong with the girls and I didn't know which way to go want it to be like my sisters I thought I shouldn't be like my sisters

and when my older sisters started wearing makeup I started playing with some of her makeup I in the bathroom and then in the sixth grade when I was on the summer league routine and we had a new diving coach well what he would do is when he had

a chance he would play with me and he would fondle me and try to get and get me to have an erection and just continue to play with me chromoly I'm gonna have to shut you into a room and can we pause for just a moment come on

Camille let's get you into a room back here you are gonna keep moving around come on quiet bad dog bad dog hold one moment I will try to silence the don't Dottie Dottie go lay down lay down go lay down first off my name is Renee jacks and

I'm an author I've written eight books so far three of them to do with transsexuality I was born male grew up in a very conservative Republican family my father was pretty much absent most of my childhood he was an alcoholic my mother was mentally ill the childhood was

so troubled and so traumatic that in retrospect I was able to look at it and realized that there was no way I was getting out of childhood normal you go and you take a shower and you're there to get clean but every time I had to take off

my clothes every time I went to bathe you know there's no getting around the fact that I wasn't a girl that I was a boy and that really is the one memory that sticks out is just how much I hate my penis hated my penis by the time

I left high school when I was 18 I was cross-dressing most of the time once I was away from school and a couple years afterwards I ended up in San Francisco which had a very small gay community and I started I had made the decision by the time

I was about 20 to start living full-time as a girl when you start dating people and if you pass well enough the whole purpose is are you a transsexual or are you a woman and my in my mind I was always a woman I'm wanting to date and

I'm not telling the men that I'm dating that I have a penis and so when they find out they become violent they there were a couple instances where I was beaten very badly [Music] my mirror georgiyevich I'm a surgeon in urologist and I'm a leader of Belgrade Centre

for genital reconstructed Rallo G our centre is very well known especially for transgender surgery and we perform all types of transgender surgery male to female female to male we do search with possible complications and one of the very very actual now reversal surgery in regretful after one another

one way in in transgender transformation we try always to to make it retail is to be first very functional and then to be more acceptable in a statical view if you discuss about male to female our results are much better why because in one surgery we create a

completely normal female genitalia and this persons usually can have a sexual intercourse can enjoy in sexual activity according to our experience more than 90% transgender surgery starts to be a very popular for both persons doctors and you can you can find out too many drugs on this field

oh I'm going to to make my genitals to be different like now and I will be very nice lady or I will be a very strong man or something like this and after that after some some event like alcohol or drug abuse or something ladies you are awake

from anesthesia with the new Katrina tailors the main milestone was finding a doctor who would give me the hormones if I get the hormones if female cross-sex hormones my life will be perfect and then you think well if I can only would get my voice get my male

voice up here and that battle make me you know just happy and then you think the next thing is well if I can get breast implants that's all I need it's never enough and finally if you've gone through the therapy and you can convince a doctor to start

cutting on you you go and you have a sex change I had my sex change in 1990 and in the back of my mind I didn't think I thought it might be like all the other stuff I had done but I was hoping just hoping that that would

make me feel complete [Music] I don't want to get in there so why would you tell your neighbor that you did something that was so stupid it's absolutely ridiculous to tell a neighbor hey I was a transgender and I've D transition pretty embarrassing to go through a gender

change to be that stupid to believe that you can actually change genders you got to be pretty bill equipped to handle the truth I was born in Los Angeles senator good family good people I was taken to my grandmother's house quite frequently as my parents like to go

away on the weekend they like to camp and fish I somehow became interested at my grandma's house in cross-dressing and I mentioned something to her about that so she decided to make me a purple dress and allow me to put it on and wear the dress I finally

got so interested and excited about wearing the dress that I got tired of waiting til I was gonna go to Grandma's house to secretly crossdress so I snuck the dress home well my mom found the dress and so then dad got upset I was never allowed to go

to Grandma's house again [Music] the first step was I changed my name secretly when I was about 13 years old to Crystal probably in my late 20s I started to talk to doctors about hormone therapy and I began to take hormone therapy 35 years ago there wasn't much

information and we concluded that based on everything that was available at the time that undergoing hormone therapy further hormone therapy and gender reassignment surgery would be the answer to resolve this quote gender identity disorder that's when I in April of 1983 I underwent the gender reassignment surgery by

doctor Biber in Trinidad Colorado it was amazing I felt like the world had been lifted from my shoulders and it was all really wonderful the only thing I don't know is was it all the medication from five hours of surgery that made me feel this way or was

it because I had gone through the surgery because you're pretty heavily medicated my female name at the time was Laura Jensen [Music] lompoc is is a nice town and it's quiet and it's small I was a little bit apprehensive going in into surgery but also a little excited

to finally we're at this point and after going into surgery and then coming out of surgery and being in the elevator I asked somebody is it gone and they assured me that it was gone and I was very relieved I was losing a lot of blood through the

surgical site what they did was kept putting gauze into my new vagina but I was excited I was excited that finally this is done this is now behind me so now we'll start my new life I never had the full ability to have intercourse because the the the

vagina that they make is so small so anytime I tried to have intercourse it was extremely painful and it wouldn't happen so these surgeries are nothing more than plastic surgery they they don't create the phalluses that they create for female to males are really hideous looking I've had

several female to male friends and you look at it and you just go oh god you paid for that it's horrible the sex change didn't solve my discomfort the doctors who are honest will say that the gender dysphoria is always there and it's because the confusion is it's

not so much it starts out being about your Anatomy but really what it's you don't like yourself [Music] being a freak in society being I call it in my book a social pariah is not the way you want to live the isolation drives you to despair and so

yeah suicide is a big big thing maybe [Music] yesterday I don't know the first time was right before the surgery in 1990 and the only thing that kept me from doing a quiet honest is I'm a coward at heart just was so deeply disturbed at the time I

wondered in my life and somebody I knew had some cocaine so I attempted to use it to kill myself and it obviously didn't work but my heart was pounding so hard after I took it that I thought it was gonna come out of my chest I feel safer

having done that and not staying in one place very long where people might find out what I do and who I am I don't want people to know that around me I don't want to be outed by the people around me I was leaving church one day and

on Sunday three four years ago now and I got a email that said I'm ready to commit suicide can you help me and it was a transgender who had lived the life transgender life for two or three years and was totally discouraged with it I was actually exchanging

information and talking with him on some level up to five times a day to keep him from committing suicide he eventually restored his life he did the transition back this is my entire office right here my computer my desk my chair my slippers and this is where I

sit and work I don't need any more than this everything that I do is right here on the computer or on the phone talking to people I've D transitioned now for 25 years little longer and so it was when I D transitioned that everything began to make sense

to me and when I realized that how important it was to D transition to become psychologically emotionally and socially a healthy person that I wanted others who wanted to D transition to have a way to come back to that same experience that I have and if they have

regret and want to D transition I've built a website for them sex change regret com how are you yeah we're doing we're doing good Billie contacted me by email like most people do and we began to exchange information and I talked to him on the phone his story

was just like mine he was sexually abused I was sexually abused and that was kind of the trigger point of changing genders come on kid come on come get you clothes on [Music] seven years after transitioning to woman a woman I started thinking okay I've been doing this

for seven years now my problem should have gone away from by now but they hadn't and I actually had more problems at that point another problem it's just trying to pass and trying to do my hair just right trying to do my makeup just right trying to look

just right to where people would not be uncomfortable because you can see when people identify you as being transgendered I was like this isn't life nothing has really changed I'm still struggling I was better off as I was before the surgery before the hormone treatment so it was

at that point five years after the surgery there about that I started to have thoughts about changing back that's my student ID from LSU and so now swimming at LSU I had a really big Adam's apple heavy brow Ridge a pretty big jaw this is the idea after

I had SRS surgery and when I was transitioning back to male in Louisiana that's the driver's license I got I had a lot of other pictures from that period but one day when I was sitting in my office looking at the pictures of me back during this seven-year

period seven eight years as being female it was so discouraging that I wasted so much my life in this particular period doing all of this that just in the state that I was in I erased all of the pictures that I had off of the computer and destroyed

the pictures of me from that period to try to erase that period of my life with God's help I went through the change and I went back to being male so I went through that surgery and on the backside of it I was in so much pain and

so much discomfort and read a gret at that surgery more than the first SRS surgery that I had and then when he took the bandages off of my stomach to show me the skin graft I was almost horrified at it to me it was gross but it was

by then surgery and the paperwork that the surgeon gave me sand and when I had the surgery done initially he gave me the paperwork then said okay I've been surgically changed to male I'm 60 years old there's no reason for me after a lifetime of being in transition

to go and start living dressing as a man anymore there's there's there's no there's no there's no benefit in it but there is a benefit and my standing before an audience of young kids in college who are considering this path and saying to them okay I'm the real

deal I started living when as a woman when I was 20 I've lived 40 years of my life I had breast augmentation I've had genital surgery I've had 40 years of hormones all of it has not made my life any better it's never solved the problem you break

your your left leg you go into a doctor's office and under the transsexual rule of medical treatment they say this is your new normal and we're going to break your right leg too I think it's safe to say that when somebody has been cross-dressed and affirmed physically abused

and sexually abused that psychotherapy is the most needed therapy not hormones in surgery when I met Rachel I was already legally a man again [Music] hey baby doll how would you day her and her daughter came over to my house for Fellowship of Christian Athletes meeting and it

was there that I first met her and that was in 2010 and from there I invited her for coffee I didn't know what that meant so I asked one of my classmates what does that mean one of my younger classmates so so she said well that's a safe

way for asking for a date her trying to meet up with somebody I shared with her my path and what had happened and how I was and at that time she said okay let's be friends we had shared the same interest like what I was saying we both

like doing especially swimming but triathlons were liked hiking I don't know I can't I know he will say he remembered some time we went on a hike and we sat down for a rest and bench and I passed that close to him and put my head on his

shoulder and it was at that point I knew our relationship with changing and that it was okay for me to start pursuing Rachel in a romantic way and I did excellent you're good the intimacy between Rachel and me with me being surgically altered I cannot come to an

orgasm so Rachel and I we enjoy intimacy all right in that wonderful fresh air fresh air is good it is beautiful and I'm praying for a little bit more rain because if you notice up here the green is starting to turn back to brown he asked me pretty

soon after a few months if I'd marry him I think I thought about it for not too long maybe a week or two and responded yes my older daughter said it probably best is she wanted they wanted me to be happy [Music] and I knew I was going

to change back but the big moment came when I was praying and the Lord Jesus appeared to me as a vision in the prayer as though I could touch him just like I could touch anybody here and he came and reached down to me with his hands and

picked me up and said you're now safe with me forever and it was at that moment that my life changed in a split-second look at this I'm healthy many of the people who've gone through this before me are dead they're alcoholics they're still struggling with their identity and

I'm alive and well and healthy and married for 21 years to my wife that's that's redemption restoration and I'm helping other people what other thing that's better in life when you're reaching out and helping other people with their life [Music] do you pay I love you did you

taste it it is feel pretty I'm still pretty tasty I am so happy I am the way I am now even though I have problems I have a choice to let my problems I burden me or to look up to see each day as a beautiful day and

just to enjoy life in his hands he's got you and me baby in his hands he's got you and me baby in his hands he's got the whole world in his hands [Music] you

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