Transgender Dating Myths


Hey everybody and welcome back to my channel or for those who followed me for my her social media takeover the other day, welcome! I hope you subscribe and stay awhile.

And for those of you who might have questions in response to this video or anything transgender related leave some questions below down in the comments.

I'd be happy to answer them there or maybe I'll use them in a future Q&A video.

And today I want to talk about dating myths in regards to transgender women and I mean specifically transgender women or those who identify on the binary.

Sure some of this might be applicable to transfer feminine people, but my experience as a transgender woman, so I'm going to be speaking to that.

First myth I'd like to tackle is that dating a transgender woman is a lot different than dating a cisgender woman.

And I think a lot of that comes from the idea that we're not really women or that we were men who became women.

But I think once you've wrap your head around the idea that transgender women were always women it becomes a little easier to understand and I think we have a lot in common with lesbians in that regard I've heard many many stories from my lesbian friends about growing up and just pretending that they weren't lesbians.

You know, being in the closet and pretending that they were attracted to boys, pretending they were interested in certain topics they had no interest in, like clothes and makeup and the latest boy-band and I think like a lot of you had to live that closeted lesbian life.

Trans women like myself had to edit ourselves on the fly and by that I mean we had to think ahead a little bit in our conversations.

Kind of see where maybe a little tracks were coming up where I might reveal myself.

There were just certain things it was not cool for me to know or even comment on and I think maybe the greatest thing about coming out as transgender and probably as a lesbian as well is that we no longer have to edit ourselves at all, so I could say anything that came to my mind without feeling any fear of embarrassment.

For me being a woman now isn't about learning new things or how to act in a certain way it's about unlearning the habit of cutting myself off and letting the full breadth of my personality out.

It's the most amazing feeling in the world.

And there are some people who say we were socialized as boys, so we're different.

It's not that boys get only certain kinds of socialization and girls only get certain kinds of socialization we all get it thrown at us at the same time.

I know that after I came out, I was really surprised about how many things were just there.

Now I is dating a trans woman exactly as like dating a cisgender woman? To be honest, No!There's certain experiences that we've never had and unless there's an advance of medical science probably will never have.

So that means we may never have a tampon for you tomorrow, but it also means that if you want to have sex one night, we're not gonna say, "Hey, we can't because we're having our period".

I do not know about you, but I think that's a bonus.

Now another myth about transgender women is that we are all straight.

That is obviously not true, in fact, I'm not even quite sure that the majority of us are straight, certainly there seems to be a whole lot of queer trans women out there and lesbian in particular, so when I tell you that I'm transgender I'm not actually telling you anything about my sexual orientation.

Only my gender identity.

I like in it to ethnicity, so I am Puerto Rican Colombian, but when I tell you I'm Puerto Rican Colombian I'm telling you something about my ethnic background, but I'm not telling you anything about my race.

I can be black and be Latina and I can be white and be Latina and transgender people are a lot the same.

I can be trans and be bi.

I can be trans to be pansexual.

I can be trans and lesbian which is what I am.

I don't plan on sleeping with a man anytime soon.

Hopefully ever.

Another myth about trans women is that we are super feminine, that we kind of aspire to this hyper femininity.

I think what gets confusing here is that in the early stages of our transition we tend to kind of go to that feminine side, but I think that's only natural I think a lot of cisgender women go through phases like that too.

When they're playing with mom's clothes and shoes and makeup and dresses and they're having fun expressing themselves.

That is something we never got a chance to do in public.

Although a few of us of course did do it behind closed doors.

I look great in Mom's dress.

/laughs/ We do tend to grow out of that.

Sometimes I rock those dresses and skirts and sometimes I'm wearing jeans all week.

I'm comfortable in both and that's why I like it, I do not think I should have to confine myself to one thing.

Another myth floating out there or at least so I think probably a great fear is that sex with us will be very different.

First of all when a woman tells you that she's transgender that doesn't automatically mean that she's telling you that she has a penis.

I've seen a lot of people just automatically make that assumption.

Not all of us do and for those of us who do we treated very differently than I think a lot of people expect.

I think people assume that somebody with a penis is going to wanna dominate or that we're gonna want to use that penis in the first place, that we're gonna be just like men in bed.

But the great great majority of us that I've ever spoken to are actually pretty embarrassed about having penises and deathly afraid that we're gonna be rejected because of it.

And I think with very good reason, I think a lot of queer women will reject trans women who still have the original equipment.

But as I was saying a lot of us don't want to use it, a lot of us pretend it's not even there when we're in sexual situations.

I think most trans women wouldn't expect a lesbian cisgender woman to automatically accept them even when they have a penis, And I think we're very very uncomfortable with the idea of even forcing that kind of sex on somebody, I think we all have agency over our bodies and that does include who and who we will not have sex with.

I think the issue because when we are excluded from the get-go because we're transgender.

That is kind of unfair and you might be losing out on meeting somebody pretty special.

Sex with those of us who have had bottom surgery though is very very much like sex with any other cisgender woman.

I've been told by many partners afterwards that it looks smells feels and tastes just like any other woman's vagina.

I know there are those of you who doubt that, so I'm willing to have sex with you for the cause.

/laughs/ About the only way that we are different is that we don't lubricate quite as much.

We don't stretch quite as much, so there's not gonna be any fisting.

Although I was just reading about some new technique for surgery that would completely remove the issue with lubrication I wonder if it's too late for me to get that new version.

And the last myth I'm gonna tackle as a transgender women, all look a certain way and by that I mean that we're the product of a lot of different surgeries that make us look this way.

Also that we were always easy to spot.

All those things are not true.

First of all some of us transition very young in life and those girls go through one puberty and that puberty is the right one which means that they never grow beards, they never have to remove those things, they grow hips, their voices never dropped down to lower registers.

Except for that one little thing that they can take care of later on in life they look like any other woman and for those of us who do transition later on in life doesn't mean you can always tell either.

Hormones are very powerful things, they make your body rebuild themselves into something closer to what they would have been if you had been born in a female body and some of us are very fortunate to react quite strongly to those hormones and still some of us never had a lot of those masculine markers to begin with.

I never had an Adam's apple, even though I'm constantly asked by people what I did with mine.

Just like any other woman we come in all kinds of shapes and sizes.

I've been told quite a few stories of harassment for my cisgender lesbian friends by going to the ladies rooms and being asked to leave.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that transgender women don't fit in one little neat box.

We are just as variable and wonderful and exciting as cisgender women and we're just people looking for a chance to be accepted and loved for who we are Well I hope you like that and if there are any other topics or questions you might have please leave them in the comments below and I'll tackle them in a later video.

Speaking of which there will be a video next week because of the Thanksgiving holiday here in the United States.

And also happy Transgender Awareness Week.

On that note like share and subscribe and see you around the interwebs.

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